Eurozone Crisis: The shit hits the fan!

Yo!  Wassup?

A few years ago I had cause to go to a burlesque show in aid of a charity that helps disabled performers out.  Apologies, but I can't recall the name of the charity.  Anyway....it was all pretty adult fare.....burlesque dancers (gorgeous as they were) treating us to enchantingly erotic stripteases and I recall one young guy who (all set to ear-thumping clubby music) sat on a series of dildos that progressed in size from the norm to eye-watering and on again to anus-rupturing, all with a smile so beguilingly innocent that you wouldn't think butter would melt in his mouth!  Impressive stuff!  However, one of the acts took even these levels of 'good taste' to the extreme, though to be fair to the performer, it wasn't entirely his fault!

So, what happened?

We were on a table next to the stage.  The guy came on, did his striptease, all very commonplace by this time of the evening.  Then, just as he seemed about to finish he bent over, wiggled his newly waxed arse right in the face of my wife, Latifa, who is not known for her timidity!  Not that I particularly wanted to have a close up view, but the guys rectum was but inches from my face and I couldn't help but notice he had a link of a chain protruding from his puckered little hole!  He whispered to Latifa, 'pull the ring my lovely!  But do it slowly!'  He wiggled his arse once again...perhaps getting comfortable....or more likely to make me feel even less comfortable!! 

Latifa grabbed hold of the link and proceeded to tug!  The chain slipped from his arsehole, one link after another, getting ever longer.  It was a heavy chain; the sort that many use to lock their bikes up with!  Amazing he could even walk with that up his arse, let alone do a dance and still manage a smile!!!  And the more she pulled, the more bored she got!!  So, Latifa being Latifa, turns to face the audience and starts to yank the chain faster and faster!  Whether the poor guy suffered any after effects (other than acute embarrassment) I do not know.  The chain was dripping and oozing all sorts of....well, shit, I suppose....and it seemed to be endless! 

I could see what was going to happen, as could one or two others at our table.  I edged my chair away and began to take cover beneath the table as Latifa continued to pull, faster and faster.  Finally the chain slopped out of his arse at such a speed that (and here's the horrible part!!) as she then started to swing the effluent covered chain about her head, whooping and hollering for all she was worth, the shit just flew off in all directions as she was muck-spreading in a field!!  OMG!!!

From where I sat, cowering beneath the table, I could see Latifa as if in slow motion, standing above me, laughing and cheering, swinging the chain about without a care in the world, as the shit flew off the chain and around the room landing with soft, wet splodges on everyone and everything around!!

Laugh?  I almost died!!  But when she finally sat down again with a face beaming and looking as innocent as a child, she took umbrage with me when, back at the table, I pointed out her...ummmm....little transgression!!  She didn't believe me!  Not one word!  Even when I pointed out the ghastly, shit splattered table and chairs!!  Then she sat back into her chair and felt the unreal squelch of human waste on her back!  "Ooooh!  Did I really do that?"

All the other women were aghast, understandably!  Latifa, in her typical way, wasn't a bit embarrassed, even when the stripper came over to apologise!  "I had 3 enemas before I came out!  Sorry luv!!  Shouldn't have happened like that!"

For the next 30 minutes the women crowded the bathroom as they cleaned themselves up!  Latifa too had disappeared in that direction.  The other women slowly filed out cursing and swearing, covered in fading brown spots!  When Latifa finally reappeared she looked, once again, like a million dollars!  In her tiny little bag (no bigger than my wallet!) she had folded and cajoled a spare evening dress, which she now wore with added aplomb!  The only woman at the venue not covered in shit stains!! 

"You never know," she told me!  "Always be prepared!"

Not ever having been a boy scout this motto was NOT in my repertoire!  But Latifa gave us all a good lesson that day!  You never know when the shit might fly your way!  I just ducked, kept my head down and was lucky, whereas others came in for the full pebble-dashing!!  Not a pleasnat thing at all....as funny as it all seemed at the time!

And in light of all the shit flying around the global financial sector at the moment being prepared for the worst is a lesson that she could well teach to many current heads of state.

Yesterday Spain and France, collectively, failed miserably to raise the 10bn Euro they had hoped from bond sales.  After trading had finished Spain had sold a paltry 3.6bn Euros of Spanish 10 year yield bonds but had to pay an average 6.975% interest in order to sell those (see http://gu.com/p/33e3h for more detail).  This is the highest rate paid since 1997 and the highest they have paid since entering the Euro.  Despite this sales did not reach the expected 4bn ceiling increasing the Eurozone uncertainties and further fracturing the already fragile major stock markets that have, without exception, opened depressingly down this morning!

France went on to sell their 10 year bonds at (the relatively high rate of ) 2.8% yield, a figure which is up substantially on similar auctions 6 months earlier.

Britain also auctioned off some its' debt at just 1.44% yield, an interest rate that still shows the levels of confidence the market has in Britains ability to weather the latest crisis.  However, this has not stopped the German press ( for example, see http://www.spiegel.de/ or http://gu.com/p/33eqx for a partial translation) taking a swipe at Britains ever growing youth unemployment problem and the poor (expected) growth of the UK economy. 

David Cameron is due to meet with Angela Merkel later today and we can well expect some fireworks at that meeting where both sides are up in arms (figure of speech...not an absolute) about their differing approaches to the various problems. 

All this whilst new ECB President Mario Draghi used his first speech to fire a broadside at the major Euro powers over their tardiness at implementing the Eurozones 'European Financial Stability Facility' (EFSF) rescue plan which was agreed on May 10 last year and has yet to be implented.

You know, I read all this and I basically understand whats going on.  What I don't get is why Europe seems to be picking away at its' own sores.  We are supposed to be all Europeans now and yet the powers that be bicker like school kids fighting over a toy!  They tug and they pull and they push each other about, until finally the toy ends up the dirt broken and useless.

Where's the unity?  Where's the team spirit?  Or maybe I am just being overly cuddly wuddly about it all?  Hopelessly naïve even?  Someone tell me, please!!!!

And finally....on sunday we have the general election here in Spain.  All indications are that Mariano Rajoy, leader of the People's Party, will romp to a landslide victory.  He has made much during his campaigning of Zapatero's woefully poor handling of the financial crisis (not that I disagree one iota) and the Spanish electorate seem to have latched onto the need for a change.  Once again though I find I am left bemused by the vagaries of Spanish politics.  Rajoy's whole campaign has been about slagging off Zapatero and his (outgoing?) Socialists and the need for change.

Ok!  Fair enough!

But, not one word has he uttered about how he will change things!  And what's more the voters don't seem to care!  Again...I'm in need of some further explanation yuet again.  Someone please explain to me how this can be?  Why doesn't anyone seem interested in what changes Rajoy might bring? 

Maybe Monday will bring some more answers.

Have a great weekend and remember...when the shits flying all around, the safest place is always under the table!

P xxxxx